


Correcting a Mistake

by allthehinterlandelfroot



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-06-18
Packaged: 2020-05-13 23:37:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19261468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allthehinterlandelfroot/pseuds/allthehinterlandelfroot
Summary: Neria is stuck. Alistair is wonderful and caring, but she cannot love him. She just wished she didn't force herself to. Now she has to deal with the consequences, one of which puts her closer to Leliana.





	1. Chapter 1

Neria sat and stared at the fire dancing in her hands as she changed its intensity, sometimes letting it border on out of control as she became lost in her thoughts. She was restless and upset and confused and just… tired. But sleep would not claim her so she sat outside of her tent as she hoped for something more than the occasional grind from Shale as the golem stood watch.

Leliana had woken with a start, the nightmare fading from her mind. Her clothes stuck to her and the heat in her tent seemed stifling, almost suffocating. Leliana moved quickly out of her tent, startling Neria, causing the flame in her hands to extinguish itself.

“Apologies, I had not intended to frighten you dear Warden” Leliana started as she moved closer to the other woman, “I assume sleep is just as evasive for you, no?”

Neria hummed in response as Leliana sat down next to her staring into the sky.  “At least it is a beautiful night to be awake, the stars are beautiful” Leliana noted.

“They are. I remember staring out the windows of the tower to sneak a glance. I had read the story of Alindra as a child and I always tried to find the star grouping, but I could never find it before the Templars made their rounds”

Leliana smiled down at Neria and then moved to point a hand to a cluster of stars to the left of the skies “Alindra’s star cluster is just over there. It is one of my favorite stories as well”

A few moments beat between them until Neria asked, “Could you tell it to me, the story of Alindra?”

“Of course”, and Leliana dove into the story of Alindra and her soldier. Neria listened to Leliana as her words soothed her, easing every muscle in her body. As she felt herself relax Neria rested her head on the other woman’s shoulder. Leliana tensed a moment, almost stumbling over her words at the contact, but quickly eased back into the story.

“... the gods themselves were moved. They gathered Alindra into their arms and lifted her high into the heavens, where she became a star. The gods also raised up the soul of Alindra’s soldier love and there he dwells, across the horizon from her. The band of stars between them is Alindra’s tears, cried for her lost love. They say that when Alindra has cries enough, she will be able to cross the river to be reunited with her soldier” Leliana finished.

Neria smiled weakly, “Thank you for that story”. They continued to sit in silence, staring out into the night until Neria lifted her head.

“Can I ask you something, Leliana?” Neria asked.

“Of course mon amie”

“How…” Neria huffed in frustration beginning again. “How do you- How do you tell someone you don’t love them… that you want too, but- you just can’t love them back in the same way?”

Leliana was taken aback by the question. “I…”, she didn’t know what to tell Neria truthfully, so she gave her the best answer she could, “I think you should be honest with them. If they care for you, they should be able to understand. It may still take some time, but they should not hate you.”

Neria wrung her hands as she thought over Leliana’s answer. “I suppose you’re right” Neria huffed, “Now I just need to be able to say it”

“I believe you can do it, Neria. It will be easier now before you let it go on to long”

“Thank you Leli” Neria patted Leliana’s hands before she rose. “We should get some sleep, it will be a long day tomorrow.” _In more ways than one_ Neria silently added.

“Yes, goodnight Neria”

 

\---

 

Neria woke to different sounds outside her tent as her other companions rose preparing for the day. Walking out of her tent she spotted Alistair just on the other side of the fire cleaning his armour. Neria paused for a second, but steeled her resolve. She had to do this for not just herself, but Alistair as well. It would do no good for them to both suffer. 

So Neria took a deep breath and walked over to her fellow warden.

Alistair spotted her and a large grin grew on his face. “Well, good morning Neria”

Neria smiled shyly at him.

“I was wondering if we could talk?” she asked as she moved to sit beside him.

“Yeah, what’s up?” His eyebrows knitted together in concern, reaching to grab her hand. Neria saw him move and placed her hand atop his moving it away from her.

“I… Alistair, you are a wonderful man who deserves someone who could love you back in just the same… and unfortunately that person isn’t me. I wish I could, but I can’t. I’m sorry”

Tears gathered in both of their eyes and Alistair clenched his jaw.

“Is it something I did or-” Alistair whispered before Neria cut him off

“No! No it’s… it’s complicated…”

“Is there someone else” he croaked.

“No, Alistair. It’s just me. I tried as hard as I could to love you in the same way you felt for me but I couldn’t. I sometimes wish I could change it but it’s a part of myself that I can’t change”

Alistair stared at the ground in front of him unsure of what to say. He had more questions running through his mind at Neria’s explanation. Neria just sat beside him, letting it things process.

“When did you realize that you didn’t love me?” he eventually asked.

“Asking the hard question,” Neria chuckled as she rubbed the back of her neck, “pretty quickly... I’ve never felt that way about any guy, but I thought that maybe if I give myself time I could love you and we could be happy, but the feelings never did come. I can’t force myself to love someone I can’t, especially when they deserve happiness too” Neria answered. “I’m sorry Alistair. I shouldn’t have lead you on like that.”

“I… I need some time to think, Neria” Alistair choked out. Neria just stood up and left to pack her own things. 

 

\--

 

The next few days Alistair did anything to avoid Neria. It hurt her to see him like that, but she did what she thought was right. She couldn’t love him, and that would be worse for them both.

Neria sat awake once again watching the stars as they flickered above her. She didn’t even bother to move her head when she heard a rustling from one of the other tents.

Leliana moved out of her tent, finally giving up on any chance of rest for the night. She spotted Neria at the edge of camp staring up at the sky. She moved towards the woman and sat next to her.

“It seems sleep has eluded us again” Leliana exhaled as she sat down next to Neria. Neria nodded in acknowledgement. The silence stretched between them as they gazed at the stars above them. Eventually Leliana broke the silence asking, “Are you all right? I know things between you and Alistair have been...”  

Neria sighed, “Tense? Yeah. He won’t talk to me, and I mean I understand why, but it’s hard. I just want to be friends again, to forget those feelings…” Neria ran her hand through her hair frustrated. “I just wish I would have told him sooner that I couldn’t love him back in the same way.”

“Love is…,” Leliana tried to articulate, “it is difficult to say the least. Alistair is a good man. He will come around eventually”

Neria hummed curlinging in on herself. “Maybe, but it doesn’t erase the fact I lead him on and hurt him, Leliana... I thought it would be different this time, that I could love him, that maybe if I tried hard enough-”

Leliana grasped at Neria’s shoulder, “Neria, I think you need to forgive yourself more right now than you need Alistair’s. It is not your fault that you could not love him, and he will come to understand, as do you.”

Neria stared at Leliana with wet and shining eyes, “How can I? I hurt him because I refused to admit to myself that… that I am not attracted men”

Leliana raised her eyebrow at Neria, “Neria, it is okay to not be attracted to men and sometimes it takes a lot to figure that out for some. So long in fact that they trap themselves in a relationship with nowhere to go. It is good you told him now before you trapped yourselves further.”

Neria sat as Leliana’s words sank in unsure of what to even think. She knew the other woman was right, that it could have ended worse, but the guilt still sat heavy in her stomach.

Leliana could still see the heaviness in Neria, so she wrapped an arm around the shorter woman and brought her into her side. Neria eased into the embrace resting her head on the other woman’s shoulder.

“Do you think you could tell me another story Leliana?” Neria eked out.

“Of course mon amie, is there any specific story you would like me to tell you?”

“Can you tell me the story of Alindra again?”

So Leliana wove the story of Alindra once again. At her words Neria felt the tension in her body ease, she allowed Leliana’s words to drown out her thoughts and even the world around them. Sleep crept up on the edges of Neria’s consciousness, taking hold and dragging her into a peaceful sleep. But before sleep entirely consumed her she mumbled out, “thank you”.

Leliana stopped and looked down at her and smiled, “always”.


	2. Chapter 2

Neria woke to the sound of crashing. She felt warmth recede from her side and spotted Leliana waking beside her, alert for whatever the sound was. 

Looking over to the main part of camp the pair noticed Alistair rising from behind a box of supplies. 

Leliana moved to get up and called out to him, “Are you alright Alistair?”

“Yeah, fine just perfect” he bit back, hastily moving to the other end of camp. Neria rose beside Leliana confused by his actions.

“What was tha- Oh shit! I should go talk to him, I am so sorry Leliana” Neria rushed out as she moved to follow after Alistair. 

She caught up to him just as he entered the woods on the other side of camp. “Alistair! Please wait up!”

“Neria, please just leave me alone” he choked out. 

Neria just grabbed for his elbow turning him around to face her. 

“No I won’t. Please just talk to me.” Neria pleaded.

Alistair ran a hand through his hair and huffed out, “Was she the real reason?”

“Wha- Alistair no, Leliana and I, we aren’t together. Please don’t pull her into this the only person to blame is me.”

“But you like her don’t you?”

“I… I’m not sure…” Neria shook her head, “But that’s not the point. Alistair, when you said you liked me I thought that maybe… maybe I could like you too. I forced myself to all because I was stupid and denied the fact that I prefer women. I was afraid. And when you said you loved me… I panicked. I knew I couldn’t love you back, and I couldn’t continue to do that to you. I’m sorry for it all, Alistair, I shouldn’t have done that to you. You deserve to hate me...” Neria trailed off.

Alistair sighed, “Neria, I’m hurt by what you did, but I can’t hate you.”

“You should” Neria murmured looking away from Alistair.

Alistair turned her face back towards him, “Neria, you can’t help how you feel. You’re still a wonderful person, even if I can’t be the one with you.” 

Neria pulled Alistair into a brief hug. “You’re wonderful too Alistair. You’re going to find someone great”.

 

\--

 

The two walked back to camp in a quiet silence. Leliana smiled at them as they came back into the center of camp. Neria smiled back at her.

“I hope everything is alright now?” Leliana asked.

“It will be,” Alistair smiled back at them. “Now if you excuse me ladies I... have some other things to attend to”

Leliana rose and stood next to Neria as Alistair walked off. “What exactly does he have to do?” 

“I’m not quite sure” Neria responded. She became keenly aware of how close the other woman stood next to her. 

“Well I am glad you two were able to talk to each other.” Leliana squeezed the warden’s shoulder. “It will get better from here Neria”

“Yeah…” Neria breathed as she looked at Leliana. Without thinking Neria kissed the other woman’s cheek. Realizing what she had just done Neria’s entire face flushed as she started mumbling apologies. Leliana giggled and silenced her with a soft kiss to the mages lips. When Leliana pulled away, Neria just gave Leliana a dopey grin.

**Author's Note:**

> This was going to be one chapter but, it got away from me. Oh well.


End file.
